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Alexandra-Wan Kenobi

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i havent been this scared in a long time [August 28, 2009 @ 3 : 04 am]
[ mood | desolately tired ]

and im SO unprepared
so here's your valentine






tuesday night me and debbie go to work out at her gym right? so we're sitting in the parking lot about how we dont want to work out (its like midnight- we go after she gets off work), and start talking about how we never followed through on our plans to go to key west. then im like, so why dont we go right now? and shes like it is too far. and im like, well...miami isnt. so by 12:45 we had been to both of our houses to pick up necessities- bikinis and cherry coke, sunscreen and water, flip flops and towels, and were on I-95 south heading towards miami. she drove until 3 then i drove the rest of the way while she slept (she had to work and i didnt) and we got to miami and 5:45. remarkable. it is a 6 hour drive and we made it in 4 hours and 45 minutes. :D :D hellllyeah!
so we got there and found our way to south beach and watched the sun rise while splashing around in the ocean. then we got breakfast, walked around the stores, both agreed miami beach is more sketchy, more sleezy and definitely smells worse than new york city. we also agreed we felt a lot more like, at risk or in danger or needing to be SUPER careful in miami beach than we did in new york city. super sketch LOL holy crap. so around 10 we went back to the beach. swam and tanned til 11:30, then packed our shit up and headed to ft. lauderdale and had lunch with debbie's grandma. awhh she was so cute and so nice! then we drove back, were home in jax by 6:45 and i had dinner with my dad, grandpa and grandma at 7:30. so i finally got to sleep around 10 and slept til 10 this morning.


bouquet of clumsy words
a simple melody



didnt start packing until uhm. 11:30 tonight? i mean its fine and im going to get done what i really need to, but i am forgetting some things due to lack of time i know. i dont realize it YET but i will. i found 18 pairs of socks on my floor. i have 6 pairs of neon socks i KNOW i am forgetting because i cant find them. im more exhausted than i would be normally on a day of waking up at 10 and being awake at 3:10am because i guess i was awake for 36 hours straight yesterday lol. oh jessssus im so tired. this is negative. and tomorrow night is my only night to sleep cuz i KNOW im not gonna sleep much once i get to sarah lawrence. and i have to wake up at like. 430 or 5 saturday. blegh

i gotta go

but all in all
i think i am too tired and too busy to feel anything else about moving tomorrow. this is a good thing. like natural pain killers. if this keeps up and im too tired to feel anything when i say goodbye tomorrow then it will have been worthwhile. i jst hope my body doesnt seek TOO vicious of a revenge on me. i mean id RATHER be sleeping than packing, but i wouldnt RATHER be sleeping than driving to miami with my best friend.

AUGH

LAST NIGHT IN JACKSONVILLE!!

livejournal, i could not even estimate how many times i have typed into you my longing for this day to come. i cant even believe- YEARS of wishing. like no one else understands. YEARS of praying and wishing and crying for the day i would get to fly away from jacksonville to come. and its here. and i really cant even feel it.


this is one of those monumental events i dont dedicate enough time or attention to the remembrance process because i just dont know how to. i will be able to remember how it feels.

and right now all i want to do is sleep.





this world's an ugly place


but you're so beautiful

to love and 0 be loved in return

who can say if ive been changed for the better [May 20, 2009 @ 10 : 03 pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i do believe i have been changed for the better.




holy
shit.

it is all over tomorrow. for the most part, i mean. i haven't GRADUATED, but it is the last time i go to D.A. in the morning for school. and it isn't even for classes. it's for parties and returning books and shit. what the fuck?
it's done??

and i'm not going to say time has flown because i will admit, i have felt these four years every day. i decided for me it isnt because the time passes so fast its that we're so glued to the present. so its like the past doesnt even feel like it has happened except for all of these memories i'll now tote around for the rest of my life. it's crazy.


i used to say i was a static character
falsitries and lies!

i am SO different than i was freshman year.
holy cow, so much better. SO much better.

D.A., I love you, I will miss you, I'm not wanting to stay behind your fences, but good God, am I ever grateful for my time with you.

the end came up too fast for me to even write about.

and to think four years ago i was writing this about lavilla
which seems so current and real when i think about it
time is so hard to understand
i wish i understood so much more than i do.


its over...
really over.

to love and 1 be loved in return

[July 30, 2008 @ 10 : 49 pm]
GUYS!!!

mainly
ALICIA!

i need new user icon!
prettyones. where do i find them?!?
where do you find the ones you dont make/didnt make.
or
could you send me some of the ones you have made?

i havent gotten any new icons since 9th grade i bet.
they were all the rage in 8th though. can you believe that?
and now they're like relics of the past?

amazing.
to love and 0 be loved in return

garota de ipanema [July 20, 2008 @ 12 : 52 pm]
[ mood | awake ]

1. christian bale omg

2. "life is not measured in the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away."
3. going to st.simons in an hour or so for the day, and its definitely one of my favorite places so i'm pretty excited.

to love and 4 be loved in return

lets brew some good [June 29, 2008 @ 10 : 56 pm]
the top 400 people in the U.S. make over $214 million a year each.
the mean of the american income is $26,000
which is how much it costs to change the tire on a bugatti.




*shrug*
i could care less.
to love and 0 be loved in return

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